Revenge Is How I Mourn My Children novel
The doctor told me to call my husband to sign the consent form so they could operate on me. I had no choice but to call him. But he never picked up.
Ten minutes later, we lost our second child.
When I woke up from the surgery, I checked my phone as usual and saw that my mother-in-law had posted something on her social media.
A picture of a happy familyfour people, all smiling and full of love.
Another baby boy on the way for the Lingards. I just wish that shameless whore would finally get out of my sons life, she wrote.
It turned out, on the day I had the accident, my husband had taken his first love to an amusement park.
She had a child around the same age our daughter would have beenif we hadnt buried her.
And now, she was even pregnant with their second child.
I stared at the screen and let out a bitter laugh.
Since he had so shamelessly betrayed me, it was time for me to leave.
The day I found out my husband Alaric Lingard, had been cheating, I did two things.
First, I arranged for the hospital to release my babys remains.
Second, I drafted two agreements: one for my resignation and one for our divorce.
Then I called my father.
Dad, I said, my voice barely steady. Ill come back and take over the company. Ill return once my immigration paperwork clears.
Youve finally come to your senses, he said. Alaric was never right for you.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. You were right all along.
After hanging up, I looked down at the tiny box in my lapwhite, clean, far too small to be carrying a life that never had a chance.
I cried. Quietly, bitterly.
Then I stood to leave and thats when I heard it.
Mr. Lingard, Im not trying to be greedy. Its just too many people were involved. If even one of them talks, were in serious trouble.
I froze.
That voicefamiliar and coldbelonged to my daughters former surgeon.
A chill crept up my spine as I inched closer to the slightly open door. Something in me knewwhatever came next would destroy me.
The man continued, unaware I was listening.
If word gets out that you stole the donor heart on the day of your daughters surgery the Lingard Dominion Groups stock will take a nosedive.
My lungs refused to work. My chest tightened.
The voice on the other end of the callAlaricssnapped in anger.
But the doctor didnt stop.
And lets not forget you took that heart to save Miss Lowes child. Wonder how your wife would react if she found out...
My knees nearly gave out.
Everything clicked. The missing pieces snapped into place with cruel precision.
Sabrine LoweAlarics first love, his unreachable fantasy.
Seven years ago, when the Lingard family faced collapse, she left the country without hesitation. I was the one who stepped up. I married him, brought the money and saved his familys legacy.
Three years ago, Sabrine came crawling back.
After that, Alaric changed.
He zoned out during our dinners. Started skipping anniversaries. Missing holidays.
I thought he was just stressed from workuntil the day I caught him and Sabrine making out in his office.
I lost it. Screamed, threw thingsturned into someone I didnt even recognize.
And all I got in return was a sigh and a half-assed excuse. He said it was an accident. That she tripped into his arms. That I saw it wrong.?
We didnt talk for a month. Then our daughter was diagnosed with a congenital heart condition and the crisis forced us into a fragile peace.
I still remember him holding us both in his arms, kissing my forehead, whispering like a man who meant every word:
As long as Im the head of Lingard Dominion Group, I wont let our daughter die.
And I believed him. And shortly after, we found a donor heart. It felt like the nightmare might finally end.
But the surgery failed.
Alaric tried to pull me out of the grief by pushing me into another pregnancy.
But now I know the real reason my daughter died.
She didnt die because the surgery failed
She died because the very man who once swore hed never let her die gave her heart to Sabrines child.
And on the anniversary of her death, he took themSabrine and her sonon a cheerful outing to an amusement park.
My thoughts returned to the new life that never even had the chance to open its eyes.
Pain tore through me like claws.
I clutched my chest as the grief and the lingering wounds from the accident flared back to life.
Fine. If this was what Alaric wanted, then I would walk away and leave him with his dream womanerasing every trace of myself from his life.
The moment I stepped inside the house, I was greeted by a scene that made my stomach churn. There, lounging in the living room like she owned the place, was Sabrine. My mother-in-law sat beside her, doting on the baby in Sabrines arms, cooing over him like he was royalty.
Sabrine sat beside her, dressed head-to-toe in custom designer pieces, glowing with health and happiness. Her belly had started to show. She looked every bit the picture of happinessa woman cherished, protected, adored.
Before I could open my mouth to say a polite hello, she turned her head, smile syrupy sweet, voice laced with faux concern.
Mrs. Lingard, she cooed, addressing my mother-in-law, what if Lila doesnt want me to move in? She is your daughter-in-law, after all.
My mother-in-laws smile vanished like a flipped switch.
Daughter-in-law? Dont make me laugh, she scoffed. All she gave us after years of marriage was a sickly child. Good riddance shes gone. If Alaric hadnt been so damn stubborn about keeping her around, I wouldve kicked her out years ago.
She turned to Sabrine with a proud smile. You, on the other hand, gave us a grandson. If you ask me, Alaric should just divorce that tramp and marry you instead.
Sabrine giggled behind her hand, as if none of this was cruel.
I didnt flinch. I kept my face blank as I walked right past them, not even sparing them a glance.
I had always known my mother-in-law never liked me. The Andersons were one of the wealthiest, most powerful families in the country and though our money had saved the Lingards from bankruptcy, she never once appreciated it.
To her, I was just another spoiled rich girl. And like all spoiled girls, she believed any kindness I offered came with a price.
Ever since Sabrine came back into the picture, shed been scheming to reunite her with Alaric.
Alaric used to tell me he would never go back to a woman who had abandoned him. But their son was already so big now. Clearly, they'd been back together far longer than I thought.
I was too numb to care anymore. I headed upstairs.
Thats when my mother-in-law finally noticed me.
Lila! she barked. The disrespect these days! Walking into my home without so much as a greeting? No wonder that weak little child of yours didnt make it through surgery. It was your karma. Your lack of respect cursed your own daughter.
I froze mid-step.
Slowly, I turned and locked eyes with her.
The only reason my daughter died is because she had a snake for a father, I said coldly.
Her eyes bulged. Excuse me? she shrieked. What the hell does that have to do with Alaric? How dare you drag his name into this! The child he has with Sabrine
Mom! Alarics voice cracked through the room like a whip. Mind you words.
He came in from the kitchen, carrying a bowl of soup, steam still curling off the surface.
He set it down carefully in front of Sabrine before finally, finally looking at me with disapproving look.?
Dont take my mothers words to heart, he said in a low, tense voice. Shes just upset. And youyou were out of line. You should apologize. To her. And to Sabrine.
He looked at me seriously, as if hed completely forgotten everything he once promised me on our wedding dayhow he swore Id never suffer because of his family, how thered never be another woman.
Now, it was clear. Every single one of Alarics promises had been a lie.
I stared at him coldly. Im not apologizing. And deep down, you know Im the one who was wronged.
Without waiting for a response, I turned and walked upstairs.
Alaric instinctively started to follow, something in him reacting. But then
Alaric! Sabrine suddenly gasped. My stomach it hurts. I think the baby got scared maybe from what Lila said.
His steps froze. In a flash, he was back at her side, helping her up with a look of panic. He pulled out his phone and called for the doctor immediately.
Sabrine clutched his sleeve and added in a trembling voice, You should go check on Lila. Im worried she might be really upset.
Alaric frowned.
Ignore her, he muttered. Shes just throwing another tantrum. Shell calm down eventually.
He lifted the soup to Sabrines lips, feeding her as if she were some delicate princess.
Drink. Its good for the baby.
From the bedroom doorway upstairs, I heard everything. Alaric, who now doted on Sabrines pregnancy, had clearly forgotten that his own wife had once carried his child too.
Heart hollow, I walked into the bedroom and quietly took down the wedding photo from the wall.
Since she wanted it so much, Ill let Sabrine own the house. And Alaric can rot with it.?
Laughter drifted up from the living room all afternoon. It wasnt until nightfall that Alaric finally came upstairs.
He paused at the doorway, taken aback by how bare the room had become.
Where are your stuff go?
Dont want them, I said flatly.
It didnt even register with him. If the idea of me leaving had crossed his mind, he clearly didnt take it seriously. He just brushed it off and got straight to the point.
Lila, you were way out of line down there, he said, furrowing his brow. Mom only let Sabrine move in because she misses her grandchild. Dont be so upset. Do it for our daughter, okay?
I looked at him, disappointed but not surprised. He was still hiding behind the memory of a daughter he let die.
Oblivious to the shift in my gaze, he kept going.
Besides, Sabrines pregnant right now. You and her are in both carrying, why cant you just be kind about it and let her stay?
Bitterness burned at the back of my throat. I clenched my jaw to stop myself from screaming.
Not one person had noticed that my bump was gone.
No one even realized Id lost the baby. Or maybe they did and just didnt care.
I dont want her living here, I said through gritted teeth.
Alaric faltered. Before he could respond, Sabrine appeared at the doorway, her hand resting on her stomach, eyes already glistening with tears.
Alaric, she whimpered, if Lilas upset about me staying here, maybe I should just move out.
She turned dramatically and made her exitbut not before collapsing to the ground at the end of the hallway.
Alaric rushed toward her like shed been shot, spinning back around to glare at me.
Are you happy now?! he snapped. If anything happens to her baby, I swear Ill make you pay.
His words were cold, but his touch on Sabrine was gentle, careful, like she was made of glass. He picked her up in his arms.
If you let her move in, Im leaving! I shouted after him.
He didnt stop. Didnt even glance back.
Go ahead and try, he called over his shoulder. Youve got nowhere to go.
I stood frozen in place, staring at his retreating back. Then, slowly, I smiled through the tears sliding down my cheeks.
He thought I had no options left. That I was still estranged from my father, that I had nowhere else to run. That Id be trapped with the Lingards forever.
What he didnt know wasId already applied for immigration. In six days, Id be gone for good. I started packing. My documents. My passport. Every shred of my former life.
Before Alaric returned, I laid out the two agreements I had finalizeddivorce and resignation. The end of our marriage and the end of my ties to Lingard Dominion.
Whats this? he asked, casually snatching the papers from my hands.
I stiffened. My voice was barely above a whisper.
Documents that need your signature.
He looked like he was about to skim them, but instead, he softened his expression and took a step toward melike he was trying to calm me down.
Look, I know what I said earlier was harsh. I just didnt want trouble, especially not with Sabrine and Mom watching. Its not about taking sides, its about keeping peacefor our daughters sake.
He reached for my stomach, a reflexive gesture. I stepped back before he could touch me.
His brow knit tighter, mistaking my avoidance for stubbornness. He was just about to say something when his phone rang.
I caught a glimpse of the name on the screenSabrine.
He answered immediately. Whatever she said made his expression darken.
Im on my way, he said, then looked straight at me.
I wont be home tonight. Shes showing signs of a miscarriage. Probably because of all the stress you caused her. No remorse. Just blame.
He turned to leave, but I grabbed his sleeve.
The papers, I said. You havent signed.
Are you fucking serious right now? he snapped. Dont you worry about her even the slightest?
I said nothing. Just stared at him, waiting.
The phone rang again. With a sharp, frustrated sigh, Alaric finally snatched the papers from the counter, scribbled his signature across both pages and hurled them at me.
The papers hit my face before fluttering to the floor.
There, he growled. Can I go now?
I gave him a small, silent nod.
And as he stormed out of the room, I watched the door close behind him with an eerie calm.
That was it.
The final thread between us had been cut.
Like he said, Alaric didnt come home that night.?
Meanwhile, my phone was flooded with dozens of photos and videos from Sabrineeach one more unbearable than the last. She made no effort to hide it. If anything, she wanted me to see it all. Every loving glance Alaric gave her. Every touch, every smile. She wanted me to know that he cared about herthat he loved her, not me.
The fireworks I once thought he lit for me on our anniversaries?
Turns out, the glowing L he carved into the night sky wasnt for Lila.
It was for Lowe.
Sabrine Lowe.?
Every sweet moment I shared with himevery memory I held closehad her shadow hidden somewhere behind it.
The last video was the worst. Alaric held Sabrine close, their bodies tangled together like lovers drunk on each other.
I already knew they had a child. I knew they were intimate. But seeing it with my own eyes? It still shattered something in me. And I cried.
The next morning, I slipped into a sleek formal gown and headed to the auction house. My resignation had just been submitted, so technically, I was still his personal assistant. Normally, we wouldve arrived together, walking in side by side. But today, I came aloneand had to wait for him at the entrance.?
His car pulled up right on time. When he stepped out and saw me waiting there, he pausedjust brieflybefore masking his expression and opening the rear door.
Out stepped Sabrine, dazzling in couture. Every detail of her outfit screamed luxuryhand-stitched, custom-fitted, a statement. The kind of look that cost more than a small apartment.
The Lowe Family had long since gone bankrupt. It didnt take a genius to figure out where she got the dress from.
I stopped in my tracks.
Why did you bring her? I asked coldly.
Alaric frowned. She just wanted to see what these things are like. Dont worryIm covering her expenses. Not a dime comes out of your pocket.
I gave a hollow smile.
Right. They were a couple now. And I was the outsider.
Alaric offered Sabrine his arm and the two of them walked past me. Sabrine was radiant, smiling at everyone like shed already won.
I could hear the whispers as they entered.
Wait, I didnt know Mr. Lingard was married. Is that his wife?
Then whos that girl in the back? One man pointed toward me.
Oh, her? Shes his assistant. She always tags along for these events. But now that the wifes showing up, I doubt shell be invited again.
I clenched my fists and swallowed the bitterness rising in my throat.
Inside, Sabrine was seated beside Alaric like it was the most natural thing in the world. I, meanwhile, was ushered to the far backas if I was no more than staff.
I felt... nothing. Just numb.
For once, Alaric noticed. He glanced at me, frowning like hed only just remembered I existed. He reached out slightly, as if to comfort mebut Sabrine said something and immediately pulled his attention away. As always.
The auction began. And of course, every item Sabrine liked, Alaric raised his paddle for.
Whenever someone tried to outbid him, he doubled down. No hesitation.
Sabrine smiled sweetly, her voice honeyed. Then, to my surprise, she leaned over and kissed him. In public.
Alaric stiffened, clearly caught off guard. His first instinct was to look at me.
But I didnt flinch. My expression didnt change.
And that rattled him more than if I had screamed.
A few minutes later, he quietly started bidding on things I might like. A painting. A bracelet. A crystal vase. Maybe he planned to give them to me afterward. As if they would mean anything now.
Around us, the room buzzed with compliments for Mr. and Mrs. Lingard. Guests fawned over Sabrine, praising her taste, her elegance, her poise.
Their voices faded into static. I didnt care anymore.
When the auction ended, the crowd began to thin out.
I stood to leave, but before I could step away, Sabrine strutted over to me, holding a necklace shed just won.
She wore triumph like perfume.
Alaric, I noticed Lila didnt get anything today. Why dont we give her this?
Her voice dripped with condescension as she held it out like an offering to a beggar.
Instinct took over. I slapped her hand away. Hard.
She gasped and shrieked, clutching her wrist with tears forming fast in her eyes.
Alarics face darkened as he turned toward us, just about to say somethingwhen chaos broke out at the door.
A group of masked men stormed the hall, surrounding us in an instant.
From behind the group of masked men, a familiar face stepped into view.
Even with a hideous scar glaring on his skin, I recognized him instantly. His lips curled into a twisted smile as he looked straight at Alaric.
Well, well, Alaric. Long time no see. Bet you didnt think this day would come when you destroyed my company, did you?
Alarics face darkened.
That manhe was once Alarics fiercest rival in the business world.
When I married into the Lingard Family and poured Anderson funds into Alarics crumbling empire, his company roseand as one empire rose, another collapsed.
The one that collapsed belonged to the man with the scarred face.
Alarics bodyguards quickly stepped forward, shielding us behind them.
But just as I caught my breath, Sabrine shoved mehard. On instinct, I grabbed her wrist to keep her from falling, but it was too late. In one blink, both of us were pushed outside the protective circle.
Scarface didnt waste a second. He lunged and grabbed us both.
Well, arent I lucky today? he sneered, tightening his grip. I heard some whispers back there. Ones your wife, pregnant with your baby. The other is your personal secretary. Heard youre quite fond of her.
His eyes, wild with hatred, locked on Alaric.
Remember that day? His eyes turned hollow, lost in a memory. I knelt. I cried. I begged you for mercy. And what did you do? You ignored me like I was a stray dog in the gutter. You ended me. Drowned me in a mountain of debt.
He blinked, snapping back to the present.
Im here for that. But dont worryI wont touch your money. I dont give a damn about that. I came for your pain.
He let out a maniacal laugh.
Pick one, he said sharply. You only get to save one.
Sabrine shrieked in terror, clutching her belly. Her eyes locked on Alaric, wide with desperation.
Alaric! Save me! Lila pushed me! Please, save meand save our baby!
Alaric closed his eyes tightly, jaw clenched.
Then, quietly, he said, Ill take her.
Sabrine shrieked. No! No, Alaric, you cant do that. You have to save me!
My eyes widened, heart pounding in my chest.
If it had been beforebefore I knew the truthI might have believed that Alaric would choose to save me.
But now, after everything Id uncovered, I was simply waiting for the inevitable to be left behind.
Still, despite myself, my eyes lifted toward him.
And for one wild, foolish secondmy heart dared to hope.
When I looked up... I saw him pointing at me.
Scarface grinned. Are you sure about your choice? Dont worryIm a man of my word.
He shoved Sabrine roughly toward Alaric.
Then he turned to me. That scar on his cheek twitching as he smiled wider.
So this ones the one you care about, huh? Your little secretary. And youtwo-timer bastardjust tossed your pregnant wife aside like she was nothing but a rag doll.
He let out a low, cruel chuckle. Dont worry. Im feeling generous today. Ill be the good guy and let her go.
Then he ran a hand through my hair and yanked hard, forcing my face upward.
But this one his voice dropped, laced with menace, Ive got a feeling were going to have a very fun time together.
I barely had time to breathe before he slapped me, hard.
Blood filled my mouth. Alarics eyes flinched with guiltbut his arms were already around Sabrine, shielding her.
And thats when I understood.
He hadnt chosen me out of love.
Hed chosen me as baitbecause Scarface wanted to hurt someone Alaric cared about. And to him, that person was Sabrine. Not me.
I looked away from him, my expression turning cold.
Scarface, enraged that I wouldnt scream, began striking me again. Over and over. My cheeks swelled, lips split.
Eventually, he motioned for his men to restrain me.
This aint on me, sweetheart, he hissed. Blame your cold-blooded boyfriend. Im not gonna kill you. I just wanna give him a show. Let him watch while I ruin whats his.
He ripped my dress open.
Alaric shouted in horror. Stop! Please, stop! Ill give you whatever you wantmoney, a hundred million, anything!
But Scarface only grew more excited.
The more Alaric pleaded, the more power he felt.
I was shaking, half-naked in front of them all, helpless, struggling with everything I hadbut it wasnt enough.
He leaned in.
And then
The doors burst open. Security stormed in, guns raised. In seconds, Scarfaces men were taken down.
Alaric rushed forward, ripping off his jacket to cover me.
He wrapped it tightly around me, his voice trembling.
Im so sorry, Lila. Im so sorry.
I stared blankly ahead, not looking at him, not speaking. I just wanted to disappear.
He scooped me into his arms and started for the exit, shouting for a doctor.
But behind us, Sabrine screamed.
Alaric!
We both turned. She collapsed to the floor, blood gushing beneath her.
Alaric froze.
Then, without hesitation, he dropped me.
My body hit the marble floor with a sickening thud. Something in my arm cracked sharply as pain exploded through my shoulder.
Lila its a matter of life and death, he said breathlessly. Youre still conscious. You can walk. Youll be fine. I have to get Sabrine to the hospital. Someone will come for you.
He didnt even glance back as he lifted Sabrine into his arms and ran out.
I lay there, wrapped in his jacket, clutching it tightyet all I felt was cold. Cold that seeped deep into my bones and froze my heart.
Midnight came and went, but no one showed up to take me like Alaric had promised.
After my wounds were hastily treated at a nearby clinic, I stumbled back to the house, barely holding myself together. I scrubbed my skin raw in the shower, desperate to wash away the filth, the fear the shame.
But it didnt work. The images from that nightmare played on repeat in my head. I didnt sleep a second.
By the time morning light poured through the windows, Id pulled myself together. Today was the day I picked up my immigration papers. Today, I would finally cut all ties with Alaric.
I gathered the signed divorce and resignation papers, made sure every document was in place and headed out.
But the moment I opened the front door, I came face to face with him.
Alaric stood there, face like thunder. His eyes locked onto mineand in the next second, he raised his hand and slapped me hard across the face.
The impact sent me crashing to the ground. Pain exploded in my cheek and a sharp cry escaped my lips before I could stop it.
He froze for a heartbeat, some flicker of doubt crossing his eyes. Then came the bitternessthe blame, the disgust.
Why? he growled. Why the hell would you fake something like this?
He switched to rapid-fire accusations. Why would you team up with those people? Stage a whole kidnapping? Do you have any idea what youve done? Sabrine lost the baby because of you!
His voice trembled with fury.
He raised his hand againthen stopped. His eyes scanned my bruised, bloodied skin. His fingers twitched before his arm dropped back to his side.
What do you want me to do? Huh?
It wasnt me! I shouted, the words tearing out of me.
But it didnt matter. He didnt believe me. He didnt want to believe me.
Alaric closed his eyes, jaw tight, then opened them with a cold finality.
For now, Ill be staying by Sabrines side, he said evenly, like it was some business arrangement. Ill make it up to her on your behalf. When shes recovered, well have a wedding. A public one. Shell be named the wife of Lingard. But internally
His gaze met mine. Youll still be my wife.
I let out a quiet, bitter laugh, eyes dropping to the floor.
This is what you wanted all along, isnt it, Alaric?
Alaric looked at me like I was the one who had betrayed him.
You were the one who made the first mistake. Im just fixing it. Youve lost a child tooshouldnt you be able to understand her pain?
His words sliced right through me. In that moment, the last sliver of affection I had for him died.
I looked him dead in the eyes, calm as ever and nodded. He frowned, probably expecting a fight. Maybe a breakdown. But I gave him nothing.
His phone rang. He didnt even hesitate before turning around and leaving me there.
Ten minutes later, a new message popped up on my screen.
From Sabrine.
[Why are you so hard to kill?]
[Ive done everything I could and youre still breathing.]
[If you had any dignity left, youd disappear.]
[Alarics never loved you. He doesnt even know you lost the baby. ]
[Isnt that enough of a clue?]
She followed it with photo after photoeach one of Alaric by her side, smiling, holding her close. In each one, he looked so gentle. So soft.
So in love.
So thats what it looked like when he actually loved someone.
I didnt cry. I didnt rage. I just blocked her. Then I made my final rounds. I cleared every trace of myself from Lingard house. By the time the paperwork was finalized, I no longer existed in their records. And in my hand were two official divorce certificates.
Before I left for good, I opened the cold storage unit and took out a small boxthe one that held the remains of my child.
I placed it gently on the coffee table in the living room.
Alongside it, I left the divorce papers.
And a few flash driveseach loaded with surveillance footage and proof of everything Id been through.
By the time he got home, Id be gone.
I had my immigration papers. I was leaving the country. Leaving Alaric. Wed be nothing but a stranger.?
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