I Had to Die for You to Finally Love Me novel
But just because I accidentally broke a necklace belonging to his precious childhood sweetheart, he expelled me from Nashville without a second thought.
In the worst days that followed, I slept under bridges, picked through garbage, and served drinks in shady bars just to survive.
Later, we met againinside a shoe boutique.
He had come to buy a lavish birthday gift for his childhood sweetheart.
A wealthy, extravagant VIP.
And I... was nothing more than a shop assistant in a cheap uniform.
He looked at me with that cold, detached gaze, as if he had never once felt anything for me.
Until I knelt on the floor to help his sweetheart try on shoes.
Logan let out a mocking laugh. "Shirley, is this what you've turned yourself into after leaving me?"
I kept my head lowered and said nothing.
He continued, pretending to be magnanimous. "As long as you kneel here and sincerely apologize to Jillian, I'll let you return as my fiance. How about that?"
I shook my head.
No need.
Once, I received this month's salary and paid for my dog's treatment... I planned to die.
I had late-stage breast cancer. No one wanted me anymorenot even life itself.
The moment I refused, everyone in the boutique froze.
Even Logan's little sweetheart, Jillian, stared at me.
Logan's eyes grew dangerously cold.
But I didn't delude myself into thinking he was angry for my sake. After all, he had pushed me step by step into this ruinall for another woman.
Sensing the tension, someone tried to mediate. "Shirley, just give in. It's only an apologyit won't kill you!"
Because Jillian wasn't done trying on shoes, I was still kneeling in humiliation.
The cold floor dug sharply into my knees. Despite that, my voice remained stubborn. "But I really didn't do those things."
The air grew heavy again.
Jillian lifted her innocent little face and softly tugged Logan's sleeve.
"Logan, I really don't mind," she murmured. "Don't make things harder for Shirley."
Then she turned to me, her tone dripping with false kindness. "Shirley, even if you wanted Logan's sympathy, you didn't need to make yourself look this miserable."
"Look at youa spoiled rich young ladyworking as a shop assistant?"
"Be good. Just apologize and come home with us, hmm?"
Just like before, she twisted everything, pushing all blame onto me... And making Logan hate me even more.
And like always, it worked.
Logan's anger deepened. His handsome brows knotted as he glared at me with disgust. "You're still defending her."
"If she hadn't deliberately broken your father's keepsake, how would you have been so devastated that your heart condition still hasn't recovered?"
"She should be kneeling and knocking her head on the floor a hundred times for you!"
His eyes narrowed dangerously. Then he pointed at the rows of shoes on the shelf. "Since you're so stubborn, do your job properly."
"All of thesebring them for Jillian to try."
Seeing Logan like this, Jillian's friends chimed in excitedly, "Well, since the famous Miss Gomez is personally serving usbring me a couple pairs too!"
"And remember, I want kneeling service!"
"Hahaha, if we're doing kneeling service, I want to try some too."
"If you do it well, I'll tip you."
"How about a thousand?"
Their mockery made a sharp pain bloom in my chest.
But... a thousand dollars.
With a thousand, I could finally treat my little dog's pancreatitis.
Then I would finally be able to die with no lingering attachments.
Just as Logan wished, I knelt on the floor and tried shoes for Jillian and her friends, pair after pair.
Yet somehow, the more obedient I acted, the angrier he seemed. But now, I no longer had the strength or the will to care about his emotions.
All I wanted was to finish the task, earn that one thousand dollar tip, and get my dog treated.
Late-stage cancer hurts so much.
So, so much.
I just wanted to gather enough money to save my little Lucky... and then leave this world without regrets.
But there were so many shoes.
To humiliate me further, Jillian's friends deliberately chose the most complicated designsbuckles, straps, laces, all meant to make kneeling harder.
I didn't know how long I had been kneeling. My knees were swollen and red, raw from grinding against the cold floor.
My body, barely held up by painkillers, began to sway.
Finallyjust as I felt I might faintevery last pair on the floor had been tried.
I lifted my face with a tired smile at the young man who had promised me one thousand dollars.
"Thank you for your patronage. Please settle the one-thousand-dollar tip."
My smile seemed to stun him. He hesitated, then scrambled awkwardly to grab his wallet. But before he could take out a single bill, Logan snatched the wallet away and slammed it into my face.
"You want money? Did I say you could?"
"And who said you're done? You think trying these few pairs earns you a tip?"
He jabbed a finger toward the shoe shelves. "Go. Bring twenty more pairs for Jillian to try."
"Shirley, I'll make sure you understandcross me, and you will never have a good day again."
My exhausted body finally collapsed.
As consciousness slipped away, I seemed to see the Logan from six years ago. His eyes were filled with the same icy disdain.
"If you're so stubborn and refuse to apologize to Jillian..."
"Then get out."
"But remember thisoffending me, Logan Martin, will never end well for you."
Back then, how na?ve I had been. I thought he was just angry, just talking harshly.
What could he really do? Kill me?
Only later did I understandoffending him was a fate worse than death.
Even though I was educated and capable, not a single company dared hire me.
Because of him.
Worse, afraid of crossing Loganand always biased toward my older sistermy parents announced publicly that they were disowning me.
Just like that, I left Nashville like a wandering ghost. Drifting from place to place, struggling to survive.
In the darkest times, I sold drinks at bars. Stood on the streets handing out flyers, then I finally managed to secure this job at the shoe store.
Life was beginning to stabilize... But then, I was diagnosed with late-stage breast cancer.
The doctor said with proper treatment, I might live another year or two. But I didn't want to.
Living was too hard. Too painful.
It felt like I had never once, in my entire life, been truly loved.
As a child, my parents favored my sister, never me.
After growing up, I fell for Logana man everyone said was cold-faced and cold-hearted. But I didn't believe it.
I loved him recklessly, wholeheartedly.
When he casually said he wanted to see snow, I took an overnight flight north, scooped the first snowfall of winter, and brought it back for himcarefully vacuum-sealed.
When he mentioned craving roast duck from an old shop in the north of the city, I tracked down the retired chef and paid a high price to learn how to make it myself.
Later... when he looked at the snow and roast duck I brought him, it felt like the frost in his eyes was slowly, slowly melting.
Logan began to accept me. He even learned to say he loved me.
And when he discovered my parents favored my sister and disliked me, he would say he felt sorry for me.
I thought I had truly entered his heart. I never imagined there was already someone else living therehis childhood sweetheart, the girl born with congenital heart disease.
Because of her clumsy little performances, he made me back down again and again.
He always said, "Shirley, Jillian's father died saving me. And she has a heart condition. Can't you just give in to her?"
So for Logan's sake, I yielded.
Over and over.
But Jillian was never satisfied.
The final straw came during our engagement banquet.
In front of everyone, Jillian accused me of stealing her father's keepsakea pearl necklace.
And sure enough, it was "found" in my handbag.
Except when they took it out, it had already been broken.
Pearls scattered across the floor like evidence of a crime.
Right on cue, Jillian clutched her chest and had a heart attack, sobbing that she was about to die.
That was the first time Logan hit me.
Without saying a word, he slapped me. Hard.
Then he ordered coldly, "Shirley, apologize."
"It's one thing for you to be jealous normally, but the one thing you should never touch is Jillian's father's keepsake."
"You're truly a vicious monster. No wonder your parents don't like you."
"Today, you will kneel and apologize to Jillianuntil she chooses to forgive you."
That was the moment my heart froze.
Eyes burning red, I screamed, "I won't apologize, Logan!"
"Because I didn't do it."
"If you don't believe me, check the surveillance cameras."
For a moment, I saw hesitation flicker across his face. But Jillian's cries of pain grew louder.
Panicked, Logan lifted her into his armsand completely forgot about the surveillance footage.
He looked at me with deep disappointment. "Shirley, you really are hopeless."
"You could've ended this with a simple apology, and instead you choose this?"
"I think the Martin and Gomez family union needs to be reconsidered. And there's no need for an engagement banquet anymore..."
My heart went cold. Completely cold.
Only then did I finally realizeLogan had never loved me.
Between me and Jillian, he never once chose me.
Just like my parents. Between me and my sister, they always chose her.
I heard myself say, "Then let's break off the engagement!"
Logan froze. He stared at me for a long time, then suddenly let out a cold laugh. "Fine."
"Remember, this is your choice."
"But Shirleyif you did something wrong, you must apologize. Otherwise, I'll make sure you learn what it means to offend me, Logan Martin."
His words sounded like a curse.
But back then, I was young and arrogant. I didn't understand the weight of those words. I thoughtI have hands, I have feet, I have an education. How bad could life be after leaving him?
I never knew... It could be that bad.
Once I was kicked out of the Gomez family, stripped of my status as the daughter of the Gomez family and the future daughter-in-law of the Martin family... I could barely take a single step.
And with Logan spreading the word that he'd "teach me a lesson," forget finding a jobI couldn't even find a place to stay.
During that time, just to survive, I ended up selling drinks in bars.
And Logan made sure I saw everything.
He publicly declared his love for Jillian on social media, announcing that she was the future young madam of the Martin family.
He handed her endless resourceslifting a girl who couldn't even recite a full line of dialogue... and turning her into an award-winning actress.
After that, I drifted from place to place until I finally escaped here.
I never expected that I would run into them againthe people who were nothing short of a nightmare to me.
But it was fine. I'm going to die soon anyway. They won't be able to hurt me anymore.
When I regained consciousness, I was lying on a hospital bed.
My phone suddenly rang. I answered it, only to realize it was the owner of the pet hospital.
"Miss Gomez, do you still want Lucky to live or not?"
"You've owed the one-thousand-dollars treatment fee for how long already? Why haven't you sent it?"
"I'm warning you, I've stopped his medication. If you don't transfer the money soon, I'll kick the dog out today. Let it fend for itself."
My heart clenched so hard I almost cried. "Noplease don't. My salary is coming out today."
"I'll go ask my manager right now and send Lucky's treatment fee immediately."
"Please don't throw him out."
The voice on the other end was impatient, "Fine. I'll give you a few more hours."
"But listen wellif you don't pay by the end of today, I won't care anymore."
"This is a pet hospital, not a charity."
After scolding me a few more times, he hung up.
Staring at the dark screen, I immediately dialed my store manager.
Yeseven though I didn't get the thousand-dollars tip, today was payday.
Even without commission, my base salary was three thousand two hundred dollars.
It was enough to cover Lucky's medical bills, and buy him plenty of dog food. Enough to entrust him to Granny Linda, the kind old lady who collected recyclables and stray dogs.
And with the leftover money... I could buy myself a cheap urn.
I was planning everything with a strange, peaceful joybut the manager's next words made me feel like I had plunged into an ice pit.
"I'm sorry, Shirley... we can't pay you your wages."
My voice cracked in disbelief. "Why? Even without commission, I still have a base salary of 3,200. And I helped you close such a big order last night!"
Logan and Jillian were respectable people. After making such a scene yesterdayeven if it was to humiliate me, they definitely paid for the shoes.
There was no way I wasn't getting my wages!
My manager sounded troubled. "It's because of that big order last night. Shirley... how did you offend Mr. Martin?"
"He topped up two million here last night. But his only conditionwas that we can't give you a single cent."
"He even said that if you make a fuss, we shouldn't worry. The Martin family will take responsibility for all consequences."
"Shirley, I really can't help it. The Martin family isn't someone I can afford to offend. I know you're upsetlook, I'll cover your IV bill from last night, okay?"
The manager kept talking, but I couldn't hear anything anymore.
Pain exploded in my head. Something seemed stuck in my chestunable to go up or down. Before I realized itbright red blood had already sprayed out of my mouth.
A nurse screamed and rushed over. "Miss, what happened? Do you need help?"
"No!" I waved frantically, refusing her. "I just feel a little unwell. It'll go away soon."
She frowned, worried. "Really?"
I nodded quickly. "Really. See? I'm fine now."
After saying that, I pulled out the IV needle and walked out of the hospital.
Of course, it wasn't fine. It wasn't fine at all.
The pain was killing me.
My heart hurts, my body hurts.
But with not a single cent to my name, how could I dare stay in the hospital any longer?
No matter how sad or how painful it was, I just had to endure it.
I could endure it. But what about Lucky?
Pancreatitis was agonizing. And he was such a tiny little dog. He couldn't bear it.
I still remember the first time I met him.
He was a stray himselfskinny, shivering. But when he saw me sleeping under the overpass, he dragged his own little cardboard box over and pushed it toward me.
After that... he never left even though I tried to chase him away countless times.
Because someone like mewho could barely feed myselfhow could I dare take care of a dog? But no matter how many times I chased him off, he would always follow behind me quietly.
When I woke up early to deliver milk, he would crawl up with sleepy eyes and see me off.
When I worked night shifts, he would sneak along beside me, keeping watch.
There was one night I got off too late. Two drunken thugs saw me walking alone and tried to harass me.
Lucky went crazycharging at them and scaring them off. He didn't even care that he got kicked twice.
No one had ever loved me so unconditionally. It took only a moment for me to decide I would keep him. But Lucky wasn't healthy either.
When I was diagnosed with late-stage breast cancer, I wanted to find him a new owner.
I thought, if I could entrust him to someone good... then I could leave this world without regrets.
But then he suddenly developed pancreatitis.
And sick dogs... no one wanted them.
The adopter who had already agreed refused to take him.
So I worked desperately, trying to earn enough money to treat him.
I thoughtafter he recovered, I could give him away. But now, even that hope had been taken from me by Logan.
If he wanted to force me to death, that was fine. But he also wanted to kill my Lucky.
For what?
Was it just because, when I was young and foolish, I dared to love him? Did that mean I deserved all of this?
Even if I had offended him, I could pay with my life.
But Lucky... I would never let him suffer for my mistakes.
I decided to confront Logan and put an end to this.
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