No Way Back for Us novel

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Five years after my divorce from my ex-husband, the special forces captain, I met him at the rehearsal for the All-Army Commendation Conference.
Just as the security personnel were about to check my identification, he entered and their tone warmed, Captain Gayle, you're here too.
He nodded slightly, his gaze falling on me. She's with me.
I politely declined, taking my pass from my pocket. No need, I have my pass.
He looked down at the pass in my hand, silent for a moment. Geneva, ??after all these years, you still blame me.
I smiled, saying nothing.
My mind was already filled with the person about to receive the award; there was no room for anything else.

After the rehearsal, I packed the clothes I needed to pick up on my way home, slung my bag over my shoulder and turned to leave.
The early autumn wind whipped up dust and by the time I reached the camp shuttle bus stop, the sand stung my eyes.
After rubbing the sand from my eyes, I saw Gayle Romero's military-plated SUV parked in front of me.
Seeing my red eyes, his brows furrowed. Get in, I'll give you a ride.?
No need, I'll take the shuttle bus.
He looked me up and down, his voice softening when he noticed the bag on my shoulder.?
How have you been these past years? he asked.
Very well.?
Gayle clearly didn't believe me.
Get in, I'll give you a ride.?
The shuttle bus behind us kept honking, but he didn't budge.
Under everyone's gaze, I had no choice but to open the car door.
Diamond Apartment, I gave the address.
The air froze for a moment, the man's voice dry.
Why are you still living there? That area has long been designated for demolition and you live alone and...
He hesitated.
But I knew what he wanted to say.
That was where my mother sacrificed her life. Ten years ago today, she refused to attend my wedding with Gayle.
He jumped from the tenth floor.
The back seat was spacious, but it felt too hot, so I rolled down the window.
Youll catch a cold if you're exposed to the wind, you should close it. If you feel hot, Ill turn the temperature down.
I shook my head and smiled. I havent done that in a while, do as you please.?
Silence fell in the car until his phone rang.
Honey, is rehearsal over? Are you back? The voice from the car stereo was familiar, yet carried an unfamiliar softness.
Im back. I ran into Geneva and gave her a ride.?
There was a moment of silence on the other end, before she finally asked, Genevas back?
Its been so long! Why didnt you say so sooner? We should have had a get-together with our old comrades.?
I had known Diana for over ten years and I had never heard her speak like this.
She used to be quiet and reserved, focused only on tactical drawings. When someone with connections took her spot in the competition, she would only secretly shed tears.
It was me who smashed that persons sand table in front of the entire company, wrote a report and filed it up the chain of command to get her spot back.?
It turned out, those who were favored really do become more vibrant.
It was a chance encounter. She had something to do, so I came back right after dropping her off.
Diana still tried, A chance encounter is fate. Whats wrong with treating an old comrade to a meal?
Diana, stop it.
Silence on the other end of the phone.
Gayle was always gentle when he tried to coax people, but once he had made up his mind, no one could stop him.
Diana should understand this better than I did.
The call was abruptly cut off just as the car stopped in front of the family dormitory building.
Thank you.
I pushed open the door to get out of the car, but he called out to me, Geneva, ??can I ask who the dress I picked up on the way today is for?
My husband.?
The man rubbed his forehead and smiled bitterly, as if he felt that I was still being stubborn with him by saying this.


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The same style. You often prepared dresses for me five years ago too.
So? I calmly met his gaze, my eyes unwavering.
Dont put on a brave face in front of me. All these years, Ive only wanted you to be happy, not like this.
Like what?
My reflection appeared in the car window.
I wore ordinary training clothes, combat boots and a satchel filled with groceries.
I looked like an ordinary military dependent struggling to make ends meet.
But compared to my former self, who always had to be impeccably dressed, this wasnt so bad.
I smiled, not angry. I think its fine.?
The mans expression faltered slightly. Geneva, ??you are indeed different from before.
Yes, many people say so.?
After saying that, I turned and went upstairs, never looking back.
I pushed open the door to my fifth-floor apartment.
The furnishings inside were exactly the same as this time last year. Next to the old television sat a photo of my mother in military uniform, the incense in the burner long since burned out.
I skillfully relit three sticks of incense, tied on an apron and went into the kitchen.
Three dishes and a soup were quickly served. Opposite me sat untouched rice; I ate slowly.
Mom, I ran into Gayle today.
Don't get angry yet. He can't bully your daughter. Besides, I'm not as naive as I used to be.?
The only response was the howling wind outside the window.
Not feeling well, I put down my spoon and went into my bedroom, pulling out an old photo album.
Look how impressive you were back then. Looking at photos all the time is so boring.?
Before I could even open the album, a photo fell to the floor.
Bending down to pick it up, the photo was of Gayle, Diana and me.
Three young faces smiling brightly in front of the camera.
I stood in the middle, arm in arm with the two of them, smiling the mostmy right cheek still bearing the bruise from training.
That was the summer I was thirteen.
Debt collectors came to the Romero Family's house to cause trouble. The neighbors all kept their doors shut, even my parents didn't dare to intervene.
But I rushed in.
The stick that should have landed on Gayle hit me squarely in the face.
My cheekbone was fractured and I spent the entire summer recovering.
My mother, heartbroken, forbade me to have any further contact with the Romero Family.
Until Gayles mother, dragging her injured leg, knelt before our door, repeatedly thanking us.
She softened.
For the next ten years, Gayle always had a set of meal at our dinner table and he always received a share of new clothes for holidays.
When she wasn't busy, she helped Gayles mother run the small shop and when someone came looking for trouble, she could berate them so they dared not return.
They called each other sisters.
But no one expected that the stuttering younger sister would climb into her older sister's husband's bed.
When I returned home, everything was smashed to pieces.
My mother stood amidst the ruins, weeping bitterly, her face marked with clear finger marks, while my father shielded that woman behind him.
Let's get a divorce. You can have everything, I only want Julie.?
Gayle, beside me, hurriedly tried to pull his mother away, but my mother slapped him twice.
I pushed her away, watching her fall to the ground, staring at me in disbelief.
Tears streamed down my face as I uttered the most hurtful words, Mom, why did you hit Gayle??
My jumbled memories were frozen in this small photograph.
After divorcing Gayle, I burned everything related to him, but some had somehow escaped.
Just as I was about to throw the photo in the trash, there was a knock at the door.
There was a neighbor who brought fruits every year around this time, so I opened the door.
But I saw Diana, arm in arm with Gayle.
She smiled radiantly, Geneva, long time no see! You haven't changed a bit over the years.


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Gayle couldn't refuse me, so his sudden visit didn't bother you, did it?
I calmly observed the two of them. I won't invite you in. What's the matter?
Diana, met with a curt reply, looked at the man beside her with a slightly aggrieved expression.
Diana wanted to see you. She brought a gift; there's no ill intent.
The man placed the gift box in the entryway.?
Diana immediately introduced, I really like this skincare set and I thought you might need it too. We used to share these things often.
I glanced at it; it seemed to be the same one my housekeeper used.
That photo Dianas eyes suddenly reddened, Geneva, after all these years, you still havent let go.
I crumpled the photo into a ball and threw it in the trash, Youre overthinking it.
She made a move to hold my hand, then stopped in mid-air.
I know you have a knot in your heart. If you are still together, today should be your wedding anniversary.
I had no choice in what happened back then. If youve truly let go, let us treat you to a meal. Dont hesitate to tell us if you have any difficulties in life; were old comrades.
I was ready to refuse almost without thinking.
The incense on the altar suddenly sparked.
I smiled slightly and changed my mind, Okay.
Diana became much more talkative, even her small gestures.
While recounting her romantic trip to Turkey with her man last month, she applied her own lip balm to his lips with her finger while waiting at a traffic light.
Every winter I have to remind you. Last time you kissed me too hard and it bled. Never learn?
The man grabbed her wrist, slightly annoyed. Stop it.
Oh dear, I forgot Geneva is here. Geneva, ??you wont mind, will you? Gayle and I are used to it
I gently interrupted, Of course not.
Ive seen you two rolling around in bed together back then. This is nothing.?
Silence fell over the car.
Finally, quiet.
Looking at the scenery along the way, I thought that if my mother were still alive, she would be amazed by the changes.
Back then, my father insisted on divorcing Julie, almost driving her insane.
And my secret marriage to Gayle completely destroyed her.
At first, I only hated my father and Julie.
It was their betrayal that turned my mother from a decisive female military officer into a suspicious and resentful woman.
Time cruelly eroded her vitality.
Later, I hated myself.
After my mother's funeral, instead of my honeymoon, I went alone to the border defense company and stayed for a month.
At that time, I didn't hate Gayle.
He was a hidden gem, a soldier with a troubled past yet unwavering resilience.
Before leaving, I asked Diana to take care of him.
She took excellent care of him, cooking skillfully in our newlywed family apartment, preparing four dishes and a soup, each delicious and visually appealing.
I was truly grateful to her.
That year, the three of us grew closer.
Gayle treated me even better.
With my first merit award bonus, he used it all to buy me the tactical watch I wanted.
On my birthday, he celebrated with fireworks all over the city.
Every time we returned from field training, he would cancel all meetings to be with me.
I never doubted it.
He loved me to the core.
Until that one time, by chance, I went to his office alone.
From behind the ajar door of the lounge came suggestive sounds.
I pushed the door open.
Two naked bodies pierced my eyes like daggers.
I screamed uncontrollably.
His movements to protect the woman beneath him were lightning fast.
Who let you in! Get out!


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I grabbed everything within reach and smashed it like a madman.
Gayle, blood trickling from his forehead, still fiercely protected the woman in his arms.
I smashed everything I could in the room.
But I dared not approach them, since those were the two people I loved most in my life.
Fear gripped my heart, my teeth chattering as I said, Diana, look at me.
The woman, her face swollen from crying, struggled to kneel before me from under the covers. Geneva, ??I'm sorry.
Gayle and I shouldn't have done that, but we truly love each other. Please, please, grant us your blessing.
Her humble appearance was exactly like when we first met, cornered by thugs in the training field.
It was then that, to protect her, I, as an outstanding trainee, received my first disciplinary action.
I had personally handed her my wedding bouquet, wishing her happiness.
Now she laid in my husband's arms, begging me to grant her my blessing.
Tears streamed down my face, my voice trembling as I asked, When did it start?
Her lips trembled, unable to speak.
He answered for her, Does it matter? Haven't you made enough of a scene? This is a military camp, not your home.
Does it matter? You asked me, does it matter, Gayle?! I screamed hoarsely.
He stood naked, his gaze calm. Fine, I'll tell you!
Last March, you insisted on being transferred to the border post and that's when we got together.
I didn't intentionally hide it from you, but you just lost your mother and I didn't want to hurt you further, so I let you maintain this marriage.
Diana has already sacrificed too much; I can't see her suffer any more. I originally planned to divorce her after your mother's death anniversary.
Since you've found out, let's lay it all out.
Let's get a divorce. Name your terms. I only want Diana.
At that moment, I finally understood.
Back then, when I stood on Gayle's side and pushed my mother away, how heavy was that push?
Before divorcing Gayle, I made a huge scene.
I took photos of their disheveled state, printed them as flyers and stuffed them into every company's mailbox.
Banners exposing their relationship hung all over the building.
I posted accusations on the forum of Diana's university.
At her graduation ceremony, I hired someone to play our old photos on a large screen.
Those memories I cherished became weapons that hurt.
But Gayle protected her.
She graduated smoothly and was about to hold a solo art exhibition.
To pave the way for Diana, Gayle finally faced me squarely.
Dianas dream is about to come true, dont disturb her.
I was already burning with lust.
How is it disturbing? Im ready to let everyone who sees the exhibition appreciate your masterpiece.?
A document was slammed in my face.
If you want to protect your mothers final resting place, sign the divorce papers and stay away from me and Diana from now on.?
When my mother was buried, I was devastated. Gayle handled all the funeral arrangements, including choosing and purchasing the burial plot.
Now, even this cemetery plot, he could tamper with.
I threw coffee in his face.
That night, I cried myself to sleep on my mother's tombstone.
The next day, I still went to finalize the divorce.
The result was unexpectedGayle only gave me an old, run-down family apartment.
You reported me and now most of my assets are frozen. This is all I can give you.
If it weren't for Diana pleading for you, you wouldn't have gotten a single penny.
I had never been able to outmaneuver Gayle, not since childhood.
He was calm and meticulous, never acting impulsively, skillfully using schemes and power to achieve his goals.
While I was the type who always acted without thinking, charging straight ahead, hurting the enemy eight hundred while losing a thousand of my own.


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I remained quiet, as he wished.
Before selling the house and being transferred to the border defense, I still went to Diana's art exhibition.
It was a sudden impulse.
Her gentle face was projected onto the giant screen in the city center square; the exhibition was titled The Key to the Soul.
Those were words we often used in letters to each other during our youth.
They were a girl's purest aspirations.
They were a friend's most sincere blessings.
With a final, self-destructive nostalgia.
I armed myself completely, stepping into the venue like a mouse spying on someone else's happiness.
Until I saw the painting, The Key to the Soul.
It depicted two intertwined bodies.
I had kissed the mole on the man's back countless times.
The woman's fingertips crumpled the sheets; the background was a bed with light green sheets and outside the window were blooming magnolias.
Those were the varieties I had personally chosen.
The pink blossoms swayed in the breeze, serenely beautiful.
That was my home.
It was also where she and Gayle first made love.
So the soul belonged to her and the key to her belonged to Gayle.
An overwhelming feeling of nausea surged up.
I vomited.
The commotion startled the two people who were greeting guests.
A soft voice sounded in my ear, Comrade, are you alright?
The heart-shaped brooch on her chest dazzled me, perfectly matching the key-shaped one on the man's cufflink.
I abruptly ripped the brooch off and slashed at the canvas.
The sound of the canvas tearing shocked everyone; gasps filled the room.
In the chaos, security pinned me to the ground.
My cheek was pressed against the cold floor while the man, holding the sobbing woman, stared at me like I was a sewer rat.
Call the police, he said.
I laughed, my laughter growing louder and louder.
The crowd recoiled in fright.
Because the amount involved exceeded thousand dollars, I was sentenced to three years in prison, plus compensation for material losses and emotional distress.
I attempted suicide several times in prison, but was rescued each time.
A year later, I was released on parole for good behavior, penniless.
But I had come to understand many things.
When the car arrived at its destination, Diana went to touch up her makeup.
Gayle stood beside me, apologizing softly, I'm sorry.
We were wrong back then. I'll remind Diana to be more mindful of her behavior in the future.
I raised an eyebrow. He had never bowed his head to me before. But now he apologized immediately.
I looked at him, puzzled. No need. You two are husband and wife.
I just saw you and it reminded me of that past event. I didn't mean anything by it.?
A flicker of pain crossed the man's eyes. I didn't understand and I didn't care to delve into it.
Luckily, Diana returned. She seemed to have forgotten everything that happened in the car.
The three of us used to pool our money for spicy tacos. Today we're going to have a blast.
The man disagreed. Geneva was with us back then. She has a bad stomach and can't eat spicy food. How could you forget?
It's okay. My stomach is fine now.?
Years of recuperation had long since restored my body and mind to their best condition.
My phone suddenly rang.
The word Husband on the screen was particularly eye-catching.
I answered the phone.
The mans clear voice sounded a bit aggrieved.
Honey, taking this kid out on camera is way harder than leading troops. Youll probably say Ive lost weight when you get back.
In the background, a little boy piped up, No! Mommy, there was an auntie who asked Daddy for his contact info today and they chatted for a long time
You little rascal, trying to set your dad up? That was a reporter interviewing me!
Listening to the commotion on the other end of the phone, I couldn't help but smile.
Looking up, I saw the mall's large screen playing the man's interview footage; he looked dashing in his military uniform.
The little guy beside him had his eyes darting around, as cute as a New Year's picture doll.
After chatting for a few more minutes, I hung up and took a picture of the screen.
After sending it, I realized the two people beside me were frozen in place.
Geneva, ??you're married?

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